its has been 2 weeks since we patched? n,i really felt different. maybe he was right, we can nv be the same anymore.
neither i wan the r\s to be based on memories. but without the memories, i wouldnt have hang on for so long.we used to meet everyday,every single day.which both of us came to realise it wasnt a gd thing. we need time for friends,work,family.as well as for our own. we need to trust.we need to understand.everyone learnt from mistakes.so do i. and i knew wad makes me feel diff. we have drifted apart for 6 months. and everything that happened during this 6 months,makes us drift further. isnt it time for us to catch up with each other's life n spend quality time?2 weeks. i only spend a day with him. e rest was jus dinner n supper. n for 2 weeks. met his friends everyday,without fail. he drinks most of the night. he catch up with his friends.but he didnt realise i m drifting away.u said its good to balance it well.isnt it? but i realised i no longer stand a place compared to ur friends.and it really makes me wonder,y would u wan me back,u wana treasure me,u wana love me again.and this is the way u said u wana love me?i jus dun feel the closeness we once had. i dun feel happy.would u spare a lil tout for me.

cafe cartel for dinner,watched "breakup" n played pool. we took train, and he sent me home. its a beautiful date,all i can. its not the dinner i had, not the movie we watched,not the pool game i've lost n always lost =.=!, its him i m with.it his everything that makes today perfect. yay!i m glad he isnt driving today.

sometimes when i look at him n find him in deep thouts, i wish it wasnt abt her.i m not in control of his feelings thouts.thou their memories was short but i wish it could be kept deep in his heart n left the surface ones for us to continue where we stop.i m pretty upset when u mention i would leave.but for what we have gone thru, i would walk with u, if u would.i would love u,if u would. i would be by you, if u want.i would be ur everything, if u could.we will b tgt,like wad u said, countless months, if we believe.n i believe when u hold me.

i really do.

m listening to music,chatting ard with my friends.i m sick. seen a doctor. he says i m stress =.=. m i? perhaps i m thinking too much without realising it.that night when valz cried, i teared too. at the moment, so many thouts came in, val n him,they still love,isnt it.mitch has perservere for so long,didnt she.tricia says she tout she was happy but did she.
can we ever build wad we have lost, the 6 months that we have lost, the memories tat supposed to be created?.i dun wana the r\s to be based on memories, i want it to be based on love. did u called me darling cause u have to or u wish to? did u meant ur words by calling me cause u want to or its a kind of responsibilty.did u say love me cause u really do.perhaps u really did, i tried v hard to search for the love we once lost,nowhere to be found.isit that u have changed?or isit that u no longer love me the way u used to?
perhaps it a diff way, i rmb u said the love u given me in the past was wrong.isit the possesivess part u refering to?or the small kiddish things we will do n luff at ourself.isit u have grown up too fast over the 6 months,that i no longer could catch up with ur pace?
every thing is going fine for e both of us.its just me, who keeps thinking it isnt the same.i do love u , but it cant be compared to the love given 2 yrs ago.e sweet little things we will do, the silly things we make each other luff.the stayover at my sis house.the unforgettable trip to zoo.the times u stayed with me when i m sick.the chalet we had.the way u piggy back me.the times u played with my nails.the slacking moment we had in town, the pool session that make me pissed coz u always win. the breeze at seletar. the minimelts ice cream i addicted to.e ear piercing that makes me wana faint.the swim we had.the time we had was..wonderful.
what we have now, was dinner tgt.supper tgt.a few msgs n a few callthou everything was gd enuff compared to thoes day i was awaiting for his return.n when i m sick now,i felt worst.i felt so distanced from u.ofcoz i dun expect much cause i knew this would happened.u were right, things can nv be the same anymore.we tried cause we love,but at this moment, love isnt enuff.infact i really miss thoes times he sent me home,taking train,walks or bus. car has been meaningless to me.i wish we could walk so that i have a lil bit more time.

(was written on 23rd.aug.06,blogspot was down)

i fetch him from work yst.slack abit,than he bought me to eat his fav prawn mee, which became my fav too, after last night.haha.everything has been going v smoothly for us, jus the way i always want my r\s to be.somehow i m trying hard to burid thoes hurtful memories with the happiness he gave me now. n i noe not long,i will. =) there are many times the thout of whether he love me came into my mind esp when he held my hand.i cant help it.he says he love me n wadever single things he did for me, he does show it.but why m i not convince.was the hurt too deep,its myself that i couldnt get over or isit true that a women's inituition always right?did he came back cause i love him.or did he came back cause we once loved, or did he came back coz he really realise i m e one he loved.

indeed i felt loved,yes.but
m i really loved?

mitch, i need to talk to u.
=(

its has been some times since i sat down infront of my lappy n start recalling abt my life.so many things happened that i din even noe where i shld start. in short, i m back with eric,after 6 months. these 6 months hasnt been easy for him, den me.he seems to be the only one who could me cry terribly that i lost myself,and i m the only girl he would shed his tears for. things had changed so much for us. we learnt to trust, n respect. all i can say was "we learnt from mistakes''. i no longer demand, he no longer vent his anger. i no longer whine, he no longer frown. infact i realise we both r giving in. both parties no longer wants to win. mitch n tricia say i have grown up.the r\s has grown up. no longer at the stage that we fight for small little things.a changed men is better men. was it fate for everything that is happening. i learnt a lesson too, for my own, and thats to reserve abit for myself,if one day i have to lose him for some reasons, i wish i m left with abit of myself.
i really appreciate all the things tat u have done for me.the times that u took to understand me. the effort u make to make me urs again.the love that u gave that makes me loved n the laughter that u used to give n always will give to make my day.
i love my bf.eric lin.
i love my family.
i love my gals,mitch,val n tricia too.

a gdnight msg on mon, a miss call on tue night. nth from u. i hope its the pms tat makes me feel negative. m i just an ex gf to him?for all the happy times we spent, did he jus see me as someone he USED to love.

had mac breakfast with my family this morning, n my sis is asking abt me n him. i dunno what to say cause we seems close n yet if they had to realise, we r nth.words like "looking forward, moving on" they din came with reasons.tricia ridiculously called me when she is in sch,asking me if i would have lunch with her.haha, i cant.she always had been v supportive. she told me "ONE day, he will find the lost he incurred,when he realised he lost someone who love him SO much""ONE day u will realised,u jus lost someone who doesnt appreciate and by then, u would have someone"

when will that "ONE day be?" i iwsh it nv exsists. i hope he realised b4 he lost. i hope there wouldnt be a day i have someone eles. why would i be so sturborn when his actions alrdy clearly shown what m i.i just need to knock more sense into me for the days ahead.
bless me.

module selection!byebye to econs!i hate econs.i hope finance is a better choice.and ya, i love to sing with val, coz i think we sound kinda cool!LOL
yst was pretty fun. had dinner at his place.pillow fight.laught a lil. he drive me home n we ended the day.i cry a alil too,at tricia's place.travis gave me some cookies in the morning trying to cheer me up by telling me the cookies was left over.yay, u always has been v nice.jus my big big brother =)alright, i m glad i ended yst happily. my stand has always been changing n changing.my brain tells me to move on, my heart doesnt allow. and when they clash, i felt the struggle in me, so heavy, so tiring.
ppl have been telling me there r so much to do in life.but they nv noe, i dun wana move alone, i want us to move tgt.share our burden, earn lots of money, spend happy times n the cruise we always wanted to go right from our 1st year anni.the musical fountain u promised. the fireworks we agree.i wanan fufil,u din realise.all on ur mind was "things wun be the same anymore"that mindset was so strong that i m too tired to convince u things wun be the same anymore,u were right, coz we will get better than we use to be.after that we have lost n realise throu the 5 months of cooling off all the emotions,i still love u and do u still feel?.kw ask me to tell u straight at ur face.all tat i wana said. i tell him i couldnt,u wouldnt allow either.
thout i keep reminding mitt to be strong n perservere if u noe he is the one for you.y couldnt i?maybe i should have realise its nv easy to do things tat another half of u didnt agree with.how true.love isnt a game,from the start, it nv had been. game only comes in with hatred.loving a person too much will nv be proclaimed as hatred.i always wanted to hate u, n u realised, i nv can.
it all happen for a reason, if werent the break up, i guess i din noe i was so fuckedup. n i guess u din noe u didnt had a gd temper. the breakup jus makes us a better person.
=(

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