"dun wan us to the burden and trouble for one another".ya, by saying this i m no longer ur burden n trouble.by saying this"it jus adds to my misery""dunno" ya.by dg nth,it saves u trouble n commitment. by doing nth, my disappointment grows.and have u realised every single word u said, every single thing u did,u r being selfish.
n, i had nv balme u for tat, cause i stupidly stand at the same spot, wishing to u turn back, n so far, u nv did.so did the love really ended on 15thfeb? did u feel a lil when i tear,would u tear when my heart break, do u feel happy when i m with u. if yes, did u jus hide ur feelings to me in some part of ur heart whereby u dun wish to take it out anymore due to ur fear of loving me again n wondering things wouldnt work out like b4?
its not memories tat makes us feel this way, its not memories tat make me tear anymore.if its the 2 year memories tat make u feel special towards me, than u wouldnt have been so heartless to me 3 months ago when u have her, i had to agree memories does play a part for everything that is happening now.for making us feel easy with each other's companion. for letting us noe each other so much.BUT memories no longer makes me think i love u.its the present, its the clearer mind i had in me. what makes u refused, its ur ego, ur fear,ur freedom. u afriad i were like b4 when u didnt even wana try anymore.i dun wana be special. if i m special, can u cel ur bd with me, can we spend valentine tgt, can i stay overnight at ur place? can i hold u? can i ask u out in the middle of night coz i miss u? can i call u out of no where?can we watch fireworks tgt?can we love? if NO, i dun wana be special.no at all.
i cant force.and what i have said abt us jus now wasnt my wish but my way.i wish for ur happiness.who will wish for mine.i wun force myself to leave coz i noe anything tat is against my wish wouldnt work.i was force to leave 3 months ago, and it didnt work, coz i realise 3 months later,i hadnt move on, he still has the ability for me to feel everything!it will jus take time afterall,"follow e flow".the day i wouldnt wait anymore, will be the day my love for u locked;forever.i m hoping almost every min of my love "hoping u were thinking of me a lil, hope when the phone rang, when msg came was u,hope u will ask me hows my day.hope to hear tat verse u used to say in every goodnite msg.hope u were back.
cupid, if we werent meant to be, would u lessen for love for him.
if we meant to be, could u make him realised.

i wish to hate, but i couldnt.

39.4.i guess its the rain. supposingly they wanted sent me to TTSH, but my sis says my face was red.so i went to the nearest 24hr clinic at yishun.had a jab, a strip on my fore head (which i look stupid) n pop 3 pills. i guess its subsiding already.the last time i had fever, he was with me,taking care of me. the last time i had a jab, he was on the line with me, hoping i m fine.this time, he blame me for having chocolates. =.=! just so mean.

i spend my day lingering ard sbw. develope the pic, searching for things, made pudding, and completed a beautiful album.somehow, i keep forcing myself to give up, but i noe, no way i m giving up. i still believe we were meant to be n supposed to last.arguments, heartbreaks,we experience EVERYTHING that would make this r\s shrink!i tout it was part of the test to determine how edurance n perservering this love could be.we lost it to the challange.as long i have this a lil hope, he is the only i wana be with. as long as i feel, he will be the ONLY one i love n as long as i hope,its his happiness.ok, i m dumb, but only i have the right to feel so,not people who noe nth abt my life, n comment on my life.like wad mitt say,they should get a life.i definately noe wad i m doing.i jus wana fight for my happiness.if i could get down at the lowest perk, i accept.it is already at the lowest perk,knowing he would ask me to leave anytime.i anticipated all these coming.

i dun wana let go something that i noe it might be my everything i could have wanted in my life.perhaps he dun see it now.

love.

mitt,heng n xiong just left my place not long.how u could u love me when u noe nuts abt me?how could u noe so much information abt me when i told u nth.i really felt offended by ur actions.i bet u do read my blog,now n den.or perhaps even the one who commented on my life in my tag board.it doesnt matter much anyway, u r the least impact, perhaps none.
i hope he is happy tonight.cause after tonight, he will nv feel vexed anymore, its my promise to him,n to myself.i rather trust what i have heard than his words. i wish to remind him to treasure what he has now,her.rather to live's life replay n end up hurting another one who love him dearly.someone told me, if u have make up ur mind to leave,first thing u have to do is to stop bothering how he feels.he no longer have to be irritated by my questions.no longer have to hide anything,no longer owe me a smile, coz he is losing me gradually.perhaps when he realise i really do love him,i wish i still do.i once use hatred to move on.which i think it didnt help.coz when i see him at zouk once again, i jus melted.i m not going to force myself anymore.
i always tout we r supposed to be, meant to be. and i guess we just lost it.i din noe i would perservere so much jus to love someone. i din noe i would have lost almost everything jus to save a lil hope of being with u. i din noe, i would do all this,jus for him.its gonna end.soon.

no,no doubts.
i love u.

there is nth i could do,but to expect for the better, to expect somehow, there wouldnt be 'dunno'.no matter how i hard i try, there is no way i could rch ur life.there is so much i could take all these while.having him in my life is a practice that i dun wana change.to understand him is a torture i would take.what eles could i do.i would understand y silent could be a torment.memories had faded abit since i have come to realise u've changed.and somehow i ask,is he the one i wana love,or isit the 'past' him.all i noe was,i m happy with him,so happy that i wish i can freeze time.so many obstacles,barriers from my heart to urs.i wouldnt say that all the problem lies with u.cause i begin not to understand myself. i m not sure if its the tireness that make me feel this way or .. i love u no more. and i doubt words from his friend telling me how much he misses when i was out of his life.did he?

cia says i m jus too tired. "i noe u love him, but could u put some love for urself,since he isnt loving u".but i've learnt alot.i really take things much easier now.i dun wana force myself to look willingly n pathetic but i learn to change the way i think n it helps.i use to live in doubts everyday, expecting something bad would happen,something hurtful will come.lessen now.i m so influential to other's words.somehow i thought they would make me give up.

long pause..

he noes well if i love him still.

time will eventually cause ...
-things to look more peaceful.
-people to change .
-ppl to look back..
-people to regret.
-beautiful memories.
-feelings to fade.
BUT time wun allow me to forget everything.

thoes hurtful words he given me on 13thapril.perhaps to him,its jus words.to me,it makes me forget that i love him for that few month.i TOUT i move on, happily.i no longer put them to heart,thou was harsh, thou that impact was big,its burid. it wasnt jus ur fault. its our's fault.but he didnt noe i m trying so hard to mend all the heartbreaks back,by myself.he didnt see all the effort i m putting in. he didnt noe i was still holding on. he didnt anything i felt. he choose to live in that life full of uncertainity.to him,he doesnt feel a thing coz i was the one who refused to go.he wants to lead tat life of his,with or without me, he feels alright.i wana lead a life of mine, but without him, i aint fine.i jus have to tell myself he dun mind me being in his life rather than he dun mind not having me in his life.

i could just tell myself, maybe someday he would realise he is happier with me in his life,and tats my bonus or he would tell me he isnt.

love.

finally,i m back blogging in my blogspot.cause i cant sign in to mulitply anymore.=(
does it mean smth.does it mean that story of mine shld end.or does it mean we shld let go and start a new chapter.it has been a question i've ask myself ever since u r back into my life, once again.my friends say we r so 'dramatic',tragedic scences n moments of happiness.i rather not.all i wan was a simple r\s that u once yearn for.all i wan was another chance for our love to continue from where its ends, 15thfeb06 till den.i would nv expect u to be in my shoes to noe exactly how terrible i felt.other than myself, i guess only my 18thnov babies would understand. u would learnt my tears n heartbreaks thru my tears.they aint nth.they are my only way to tell u how sad i m.coz e only answer i would get is "dunno" or "silence". small things tat u r willing to do, for me,really brighten me a lil. u wun noe. "i m happier with u"would keep me alive for a few days.u wun noe.or perhaps u choose not to noe.some say not all things return when its gone. i dun wana believe.i noe i can be happy without u but i said b4, i would be even happier with u in it.i willingly accept any facts as long as it come straight from u.

if u say loving urself is the best choice than y she has the right to love u, to hold u and to noe if u r dg well.what m i?dun tell me someone special.how special can it be.have u realised i have nv whine over what i have done for u.i noe i could give u the best.that doesnt mean she cant.i want an answer. and i rmb someone said "no answer is an answer".how true it could be. what it is now is an answer.how could i be so dumb enuff to believe there would be a change.how would someone be so dumb to even believe love still exsists.

chocolates
CLEO mag
shopping
fairytales