its my theory -deflonalogy

heavy eyelids

2007-03-02T17:41:00.000+08:00

right here in my sister's tuition center, done all the preparation work for tmr classes. left some test papers un mark. din had enought sleep.

few days ago, i wish i would pass my project, i wish to have a gpa above 2, i wish sucess in my interviews. today, i got everything fufilled. i should be happy.in fact, all these have been en encouragement to move on when i felt so tired in life at times.

i was pretty nervous in the mrn as the person who called sounds really unfriendly.i tout of him and i msg him.After adecco promise a me a position of a personnel consultant, i msg him again. i told mitch, i miss him and he did replie me. nth seems to happen before, as good as b4. but it isnt the fact.

the fact of club ruin my confident level in this r\s.u said i shld allow u to club,but not often, once awhile. i ponder over it and i do agree. yes, once awhile to chill out was perfectly fine. last week u jus went, and this week once more. is tat called once awhile? and to repeat yst entry, i was left with a freaking sat night and i have waited so impatiently for sat to arrive. finally,when its here, the sentence" i m gg to club" simply dashes everything.

perhaps u will nv imagine how i felt. to u, it might be a small thing, you might not even what to think abt how i felt and its selfish to do so. think abt it, if u dun club, will your friends be greatly affected? and if u club, how much will i get affected? maybe thats not the pt afterall. you just choose it over me.

i having headaches. shed, disappointed.

blog recovered.

2007-03-01T23:32:00.000+08:00

guys use to blame their gf."when guys go ns, gals leave,because they only have weekends spent". how true could that be? less than 50%.

from mitch
"cos e guys themselves dont noe how to love and don noe how to prioritise".

i linked this sentence up with my touts.

didnt he knew i have to work on weekends? meaning that i left with a sat night. and can u imagine how disappointed i am when he says he is gg to club after meeting me. its makes me feel this way : because u didnt wan me to make a fuss over not spending enough time with me, so u squeeze out a few hrs jus to hoax me ( i used the word hoax to make it sounds better) and off u go to ur unforgettable nights out with ur friends - CLUBS.

yes, i trust u, jus like how u trust me ( thats what he claimed) but the pt is i left only with a pathetic saturday nite, u get it?. the thing now is i need to work on weekends,and u wana club on weekends. what shall be left for me, for the r\s that we seems to have a hard time maintaing it, at least a near to perfect state b4 u enter NS.

it did improve ALOT after we patch things up, but i have to say, things are drifting again and u noe, this feelngs sux. i noe u had a hard time inside. i had a hard time working too. from tuesday to sunday. i left a monday to look out for jobs and stuff. i m no much better. the only console is i could go home.

i tout i would perservere jus like u did and we wld have a wonderful weekends. the whole saturday night, till we wore out. tt was what i m looking forward to,do u?(no. u plan to club)

i type a message, and i delete. a few times i have been doing this. i wan to tell u how i feel. but i realised i couldnt. i dunno what to say or what to do to make u realise this. sounds hillarious when i mk a fuss over u gg club? than think abt what i have mention. its not jus trust.

after the unhappiness u n me have caused, you said "ok, i am not gg to club, i will spent time with u" so whats ur reason for doing so?because i whine too much, because you dun wan me to irritate u?". i dun wan. the meaning of gg out with me changed. its not because u want to, but u seems to be force to. and are u gg to tell me"no, i really want to"? if u really want to ,why in the first place u choose to club?.

maybe i mean nth to u afterall. you once said, NS make u realised u love me even more. i bet its too early to say that. for now, i feel that NS make u realised without me, you are better off with ur clubbing moments.

broken.

new resolution

2007-01-06T21:19:00.000+08:00

i m here to infrom you guys i will not be updating my blog frequently.but i guess it would be a long post each time i post an entry.the reason was i had a lot of unpacked feelings which i find blog isnt a way for me sort them out.maybe, somethings couldnt be said.alright, i guess i havent mention any resolution for the yr.perhaps, i have not start planning any, but i have a short term resolution for the next 4 weeks; to reach sch at 830 sharp daily,get at least a 'B' for my daily grades,do better for UT and pass my fyp2.looks like its all abt studies.probably yes,for the last 4 wks in RP.The only concern was my fyp.

everything in my life is good.people just aint contented.like me.life has been fair. nth too much and nth too little.striking e balance.my eldest sis bought us tiffany n co. necklace.one for herself,one for my elder sis,n one for me.-GRIN.to me, its more than a necklace,it remind me our sister bonds,our love.

my darling,he is back in camp.but time flies for me,friday would come soon.movies!i really got so much to do, after i graduate. i wana take my car practical lessons, i wana go 'wu'studio with mitch!, i wana learn piano with val,i wana learn yogo.i need to help out at my sis's tuition centre, i have to start looking for job, i m going shanghai to visit my sis and a shopping spree.

turing 21 this yr! no clubs for me, no chalets, no parties.maybe jus a simple celebrattion with my friends and family like the usual yrs. i wana spend my birthday out of spore.the beach would be perfect, the footsteps i left will be the embarkment of my adult life.

yup, the more i tout of my plans after my graduation, the more i have moivation for the goals i had in the next 4 weeks.=)take care all-

will be back, hopefully with good news or least good progression of my fyp.val, we will graduate tgt =)

r\s sux

2006-12-31T00:03:00.000+08:00

FUCK YOU!

PUBS!

&

CLUBS!

2006-12-25T23:16:00.000+08:00

its has been a few days.went to work on last friday at bugis, was dam busy.but joan and i really create some fun.lolx and went to derrick's birthday at jurong on saturday,have a nice catch up with my year 1 classmates. i miss the swing =). n a beautiful christmas with darling, mitch n xiong.monday today,still good,coz we spent a great afternn roaming ard northpt.tmr should be fine, coz i will be running some errands with my sis. wed n thur i shld speed up for my project n friday shld be great again.

i got a tiny, medium n huge spongebob! i rmb the tiny one was part of my bd pressie, the medium one was bought for me when i was down because of darling and the huge one was christmas pressie + a companion when eric is not with me, all bought by mittx.

thanks! now, i got all my collection completed.

for now, i noe what i want

creation!

2006-12-21T21:00:00.000+08:00

yes!

i made this for darling. =)i still love him as much i always use to be.but its getting alil bit different for me now.i dunno but i aint very happy.i hate the way i m feeling right now.i hate it when i can only talk to u at night. i hate to wait. i hate to noe that when NS days get longer n longer, u will soon forget the love we share, n the promises we made.will u?

i wish i m just worrying too much.
nights.

p.m.s

2006-12-20T10:32:00.000+08:00

a day pass like tat. i pratically rot at home. coz its raining heavily,coz my cramp is getting worst.
was rather disappointed because we hung up the phone within 5 mins.i went to listen to 'here in my heart' after that, when i was engross in my song, darling called again! and he heard the background of the song. =)
now i really understand why isit so hard for couples to stick thru the NS period. but there is smth u could always look forward and tats weekends n the sms,calls each day.
i do agree with mitch that NS might be the sweetest period of a r\s;in some ways.cause u will really treasure the time spent and conflicts eventually lessen.but at pt of time, when u fall sick, when something bad happen and u need his shoulder to lean on, he wun be ard.
becasue you love me,here in my heart,i said "i will be right here waiting for u,stick with u."

used.to.it

2006-12-18T23:08:00.000+08:00

i m little bit used to blogging everynite BUT not used to darling not being myside =(

MSN is a great invention;it send our love and misses. Chat with my mum and sis and they say shanghai is cold,zero degree.kaelin is doing well and they are all fine over there.

My sis says "we wish u were here with us"

n SO DO I!

darling says"i really wish to see u soon"

n SO DO I!

sigh.Registered with my basic theory already but one more month + + to go?

tuesday.wednesday.thursday.friday.saturday...SUNDAY!time,pls fly....

sunday

2006-12-18T00:41:00.000+08:00

went grandma house for dinner than went out to chill awhile with val. both of us went to 'more than words',than pool,than kfc, and slack outside mac play cards(some tarrot reading) and i got perfect reading.=) darling called a few times,i m just bring my phone whenever i go n make sure i can hear my phone ring.i miss him so much.thou its only 2 days since i last met him, but val was right, coz i knew there are more days to go;human physcology. On the way home, we were looking at each other's phone.i was looking at f**n msges and she saw eric's msges too. she say mine was so sweet,BUT urs too. *grin + she is alil crazy over what she had bought.(uhum, u noe ya?)lol.

told mitch i will go SSDC tmr, but i m thinking if i should register. I have the urge to,coz i wana achieve something(which will remain as a secret), and i m quite free.(other than projects). Will be meeting val n ivan at westmall coffeebean tmr for FYP1, we tout it could be a best place, to slack, to do project and ...charge our laptop!(is there a library too?)

Its 1 am.i m discussing what to buy for derrick with mel and limay.i havent seen them for ages,even seldom in school, eversince we move to the new campus. And i m gg to bed soon,darling is gonna wake up in like 4 hrs time? my poor boy.

i saw this letter to cleo, this gal says she dun believes in happy endings(on the regards on a article of the dec issue).she says love is a journey,not a destination. However, i felt love is a journey WITH a destination, and i m a believer of happy endings.

sigh.nights all.

tears

2006-12-17T00:29:00.000+08:00

16th dec, finally the day i wish nv will come, had arrived.darling's enlistment date.

when i got home after sending to tekong camp, i took a nap. i was really sleepy but i couldnt sleep.
"what is he doing?"
"can he get along with his camp mates?"
"will the training be too hard on him?"
"will he able to get use to the early nights?"
"will he like the food?"
"will there be any danger?"
i start to mindmap, n i fell asleep, eventually nightmare falls on me,damn it, a real bad one.

woke up n was preparing to meet mitch.i felt so much better when i saw her.i dunno, but she gave e all the comfort.i guess, cause she love her bf as much as i love mine.

darling called a few times, short conversation n we msg from 10+pm-12am.i cried 3 times.his msgs alone make me cry.if not for NS, i din noe i meant so much to him,i din noe he care for me so much, i din noe he felt so much for this r\s, i din noe he was so determine to have me in his life. and because of NS, i no longer have doubts in ur love, no longer have doubts in this r\s.

suddenly i felt so sorry for all the attitude i have given n suddenly he regret for not giving in to me at times.

i will always be there for u.'always'

ferverish

2006-12-08T12:01:00.000+08:00

my fever went up last night and went down this morning (=.=)its a good thing,but going back to sch for fyp kills my mood,sigh.

i realised smth! a very true way of expressing love.not gifts,not surprise,not words.unintentionally expressing love,care n concern. he was holding my hands n i felt asleep, driving with one hand,becoz he din wan any movement that will wake me up. when i reach home,i realised he nv let go once. *smilingggg.

gonna go yishun later to borrow dvds for my mum n sis,they said incase they are bored over shanghai. why would it be bored?! if not for the FYP, i can forsee myself shopping over there.

emotion uncontrolled.

2006-12-07T01:37:00.000+08:00

it has been some times since i blog.finally its holiday,but fyp is driving me crazy.thanks to ivan for his help(we really know nuts.lol).mum n sis is gg shanghai very soon, n boy is gg NS in a about 10 days time.okay,im so sad.hasnt been whinning to mitch,where are u,my dear friend.haa,i know she is working.pls talk to me soon.very soon, im leaving RP(hopefully),i look forward to this new phase of my life,but will it lead to a loss of something?something intangible.it can be feelings, moments, experiences or a particular kind of emotion that a grown up wouldnt have.its jus a prediciton.or maybe not but just turbulant experiences and the gd feeling of being ignorant still exists.perhaps it the temporary departing of my love ones that didnt make me feel good about the next few months.people says 'jus a flick, and its over;thats how time flies'why didnt i felt that way,instead,the thought of them not being myside all the times has been dreading me these days.god,bring to feb!next week, i m going to spend ALL my precious moment with baby kaelin,mum,sis n boy.after next week,which i will be alone,its e time to get back to the stupid fyp n yar,val, give me perserverance. the day we completed fyp(hopefully b4 sch reopen), can we eat smth gd,really gd!and ya, i guess derrick's birthday celebration is gonna bring back all the memories we had in tanglin;the first few faces i have saw when my RP life started. =)

few hrs later..
jus ended my conversation with mitch,feelin abit better.still aint feeling good thou.SIGH,but thanks everyone.

grown up

2006-10-31T18:16:00.000+08:00

saw my lil cousin nick n ya,its her birthday this sat.i will still be e same..burst the balloons u had.(pls prepare more!)lol.somehow i really miss the childhood we had.life now seems so much different.its always abt projects, sch,uts n downs in a r\s,in life n everything.i jus cant wait, cant wait to leave RP.cant wait to graduate.boy is gg ns very soon.hopefully,it wun strain our r\s.but well, u n me,we have faith ya?n pls fufil our promise n strive hard for our future.thou no one can predict wads gonna happen,but i noe, n i wish u r the one.

what does promises means?

2006-10-27T20:44:00.000+08:00

m i to immune of keeping things to my own?it seems like gg 3 months since we patch.perhaps this is the first time since i felt this way. - when u r down with ur life, u wish for me.i will ensure u, countless time, i m here,tgt with u.i fufiled my promises.i dun noe how much my msg n calls might meant to u,perhaps its just msg n calls.not to me, in that sense, that msg n calls does meant alot to me, not jus me, but most of the girls felt this way.isnt it? let alone this matter. what about a promise? compared to gg out with ya friends? to me, it jus reflect how much i meant to u.did u love me because whenever u r down, i m with u or did u love me cause u really did.i dunno.for the past 2 months, i was almost convinced that u did love, n seriously i tout i was the luckiest woman.but these days, i hadnt been feeling this way.i tell no one,i dun feel like saying.maybe mitch knew a lil.i did told him "u seems to change" but i guess this sentence doesnt make much impact coz to him, i always think that way.(he think he doesnt).

if u wana go,just go ahead.it seems like it bother me much.after some thouts.i cant force u to make me ur first priority.i cant force u to do anything.at the end of the day, its still comes back to urself.

juz updates

2006-10-02T19:29:00.000+08:00

i wish there is 48hr a day.so that i have time for everything. fyp,pp,my sis's tuition agency stuff,sleep,tv,friends,friends n my precious boy.and 15 mins to type this entry.haha,well, i jus feel like blogging,and after i blog, i shall read thru this entry (it had always been a habit).

i impulsively threw away a dairy of mine which i NEVER regret. it was a little red book written abt my life after we broke off (me n eric).u can say from 15thfeb onwards till somewhere early june (somehow,which i have given up).i can write up to 3 entry per day. i read it once again b4 i threw it away.its juz about her,him..eric..me..and a some stories people created in my life.e fake marriage -LOUIS. wadever.i miss out so much with eric.. the world cup fever, the thrilling match, the 5 month of every"13th", and the promise,the FIREWORKS.i end up watching alone cause of the crowd, i couldnt reach val. and at the particular moment, i miss him n well, he noes. =)

and one big round,i m so in love with u, n perhaps u r the only one who could make me so in love in a person for years?enuff of the love love stuff.haha.
yst we attented a function at regent hotel, they were celebrating 50th years wedding anniversary.how sweeeeeet~! i told him they were sweet. he told me we will be like them. =)))))))))))). i even smiled in my dream.HAHA.

alright, gtg.

brooding over it.

2006-09-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

a few weeks since i have blog, sch had resumed.decided to work on sunday(s) too.life has been fair.i jus browse thru my past entry and a few sentence actually caught my attention.
july30th
"i dun wana let go something that i noe it might be my everything i could have wanted in my life.perhaps he dun see it now."
july31th
"cupid, if we werent meant to be, would u lessen for love for him.if we meant to be, could u make him realised."
i m thankful that he finally seen it all.he no longer the cause of my tears, he no longer give me silence, he no longer unsure of this r\s.yes,i knew, he love me. n e only thing that could make me cry was the past. thou bygones are bygones,but it has soon became a fear in me.definately i trust him and so do him.trust is not a concern here,it got nth to do with him. its a phobia i develope myself.

dedications.

2006-09-07T02:44:00.000+08:00

mitch's dedication for me really inspired me for this entry.

i dun have alot of best friends which i feel tat a few gd ones r really gd enuff.mitch,valz,tricia and clarice.my family n ofcoz my boy,eric.these are the people who makes me smile n frown.

mitch,i m really touched by ur entry=).i know things hasnt been going smooth for u these days. i didnt do much actually, all the words given to u was what u once used on me. u r the one growing up,without realising. the one who has the ability to make u cry can make u smile.yes, tat was true enough. but when i lost eric, it makes me realise there r other source of love from friends like u and my dearest family who was there.it definately makes things so much easier,isnt it? we whine tgt all day long but we didnt realise it has been like 2 months since the daily whinings took place? lol.u will nv be able to predict the future but we can now decide how u wan ur future to be. the lil things we said, the few msgs we exchange, the attitude and the tolerance in this r\s does matter,alot.luv.

valz,perhaps this is the 1st time i ever seen u fall, so hard, so deep. yes,friends give u encouraging words,spare u time,love n care, it does speed up ur recovery,but it doesnt cure. wadever we said, was wad we feel which they might not always be right.the only person u would wana trust n not let down is urself. dun be afraid if u r call a silly one as long as u r happy n live with no regrets.not everything is within our control.sometimes to go against it will only hurt u deeper.luv.

tricia,i noe u hear me whine more than anyone eles. i really learn to like after some time.haha.which i hasnt been regretting. i m sorry for the areoplanes i have put.lol. i promise it shall be reduce alright.she see me cry, she see me throw tantrum, she see me ran away.she always gives me theory.for so long, she is the strongest girl i ever came across.someone who proclaim she has settled down.FINALLY.i wonder who has the ability to. she is so in love.u dun need my love.hate.(i m jus kidding, u noe tat)

clarice, thou it has been a long time since we catch up and stuff. but things nv change since tat day we chatted. nth ever changes. we still luff at nothing and gossip like hell no business.haha.memories reaalllli sweet. every r\s bounds to have problems and stuff, esp when the duration of the r\s increase. take it as a barrier u guys overcome tgt n i m sure it strengthens ur love.luv!

lastly.the guy i always used to love n still loving.eric.the tout of u can make me smile,can make me cry.i really had the fear in me, so much that the trust i build dashed.there are alot of things we dun agree on, in simple, we dun think alike.why r we still tgt, coz i love.i dunno abt him. did he stay coz i love or did he really love me.why r guys so insensative abt the feelings for girls.why isit that we always worry too much, why can a msg meant so much, why isit tat we r always putting them above us.why did love kill women.it didnt make us a better person,neither sttonger,for me.its makes me losing myself.the only comfort i have was when u assure ur love for me.love..

life.

2006-08-28T17:46:00.000+08:00

its has been 2 weeks since we patched? n,i really felt different. maybe he was right, we can nv be the same anymore.
neither i wan the r\s to be based on memories. but without the memories, i wouldnt have hang on for so long.we used to meet everyday,every single day.which both of us came to realise it wasnt a gd thing. we need time for friends,work,family.as well as for our own. we need to trust.we need to understand.everyone learnt from mistakes.so do i. and i knew wad makes me feel diff. we have drifted apart for 6 months. and everything that happened during this 6 months,makes us drift further. isnt it time for us to catch up with each other's life n spend quality time?2 weeks. i only spend a day with him. e rest was jus dinner n supper. n for 2 weeks. met his friends everyday,without fail. he drinks most of the night. he catch up with his friends.but he didnt realise i m drifting away.u said its good to balance it well.isnt it? but i realised i no longer stand a place compared to ur friends.and it really makes me wonder,y would u wan me back,u wana treasure me,u wana love me again.and this is the way u said u wana love me?i jus dun feel the closeness we once had. i dun feel happy.would u spare a lil tout for me.

love's beautiful

2006-08-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

cafe cartel for dinner,watched "breakup" n played pool. we took train, and he sent me home. its a beautiful date,all i can. its not the dinner i had, not the movie we watched,not the pool game i've lost n always lost =.=!, its him i m with.it his everything that makes today perfect. yay!i m glad he isnt driving today.

sometimes when i look at him n find him in deep thouts, i wish it wasnt abt her.i m not in control of his feelings thouts.thou their memories was short but i wish it could be kept deep in his heart n left the surface ones for us to continue where we stop.i m pretty upset when u mention i would leave.but for what we have gone thru, i would walk with u, if u would.i would love u,if u would. i would be by you, if u want.i would be ur everything, if u could.we will b tgt,like wad u said, countless months, if we believe.n i believe when u hold me.

i really do.

2006-08-25T00:28:00.000+08:00

m listening to music,chatting ard with my friends.i m sick. seen a doctor. he says i m stress =.=. m i? perhaps i m thinking too much without realising it.that night when valz cried, i teared too. at the moment, so many thouts came in, val n him,they still love,isnt it.mitch has perservere for so long,didnt she.tricia says she tout she was happy but did she.
can we ever build wad we have lost, the 6 months that we have lost, the memories tat supposed to be created?.i dun wana the r\s to be based on memories, i want it to be based on love. did u called me darling cause u have to or u wish to? did u meant ur words by calling me cause u want to or its a kind of responsibilty.did u say love me cause u really do.perhaps u really did, i tried v hard to search for the love we once lost,nowhere to be found.isit that u have changed?or isit that u no longer love me the way u used to?
perhaps it a diff way, i rmb u said the love u given me in the past was wrong.isit the possesivess part u refering to?or the small kiddish things we will do n luff at ourself.isit u have grown up too fast over the 6 months,that i no longer could catch up with ur pace?
every thing is going fine for e both of us.its just me, who keeps thinking it isnt the same.i do love u , but it cant be compared to the love given 2 yrs ago.e sweet little things we will do, the silly things we make each other luff.the stayover at my sis house.the unforgettable trip to zoo.the times u stayed with me when i m sick.the chalet we had.the way u piggy back me.the times u played with my nails.the slacking moment we had in town, the pool session that make me pissed coz u always win. the breeze at seletar. the minimelts ice cream i addicted to.e ear piercing that makes me wana faint.the swim we had.the time we had was..wonderful.
what we have now, was dinner tgt.supper tgt.a few msgs n a few callthou everything was gd enuff compared to thoes day i was awaiting for his return.n when i m sick now,i felt worst.i felt so distanced from u.ofcoz i dun expect much cause i knew this would happened.u were right, things can nv be the same anymore.we tried cause we love,but at this moment, love isnt enuff.infact i really miss thoes times he sent me home,taking train,walks or bus. car has been meaningless to me.i wish we could walk so that i have a lil bit more time.

(was written on 23rd.aug.06,blogspot was down)

a different love.

2006-08-20T11:20:00.000+08:00

i fetch him from work yst.slack abit,than he bought me to eat his fav prawn mee, which became my fav too, after last night.haha.everything has been going v smoothly for us, jus the way i always want my r\s to be.somehow i m trying hard to burid thoes hurtful memories with the happiness he gave me now. n i noe not long,i will. =) there are many times the thout of whether he love me came into my mind esp when he held my hand.i cant help it.he says he love me n wadever single things he did for me, he does show it.but why m i not convince.was the hurt too deep,its myself that i couldnt get over or isit true that a women's inituition always right?did he came back cause i love him.or did he came back cause we once loved, or did he came back coz he really realise i m e one he loved.

indeed i felt loved,yes.but
m i really loved?

mitch, i need to talk to u.
=(

lovelove.

2006-08-19T13:54:00.000+08:00

its has been some times since i sat down infront of my lappy n start recalling abt my life.so many things happened that i din even noe where i shld start. in short, i m back with eric,after 6 months. these 6 months hasnt been easy for him, den me.he seems to be the only one who could me cry terribly that i lost myself,and i m the only girl he would shed his tears for. things had changed so much for us. we learnt to trust, n respect. all i can say was "we learnt from mistakes''. i no longer demand, he no longer vent his anger. i no longer whine, he no longer frown. infact i realise we both r giving in. both parties no longer wants to win. mitch n tricia say i have grown up.the r\s has grown up. no longer at the stage that we fight for small little things.a changed men is better men. was it fate for everything that is happening. i learnt a lesson too, for my own, and thats to reserve abit for myself,if one day i have to lose him for some reasons, i wish i m left with abit of myself.
i really appreciate all the things tat u have done for me.the times that u took to understand me. the effort u make to make me urs again.the love that u gave that makes me loved n the laughter that u used to give n always will give to make my day.
i love my bf.eric lin.
i love my family.
i love my gals,mitch,val n tricia too.

e lost`

2006-08-02T11:20:00.000+08:00

a gdnight msg on mon, a miss call on tue night. nth from u. i hope its the pms tat makes me feel negative. m i just an ex gf to him?for all the happy times we spent, did he jus see me as someone he USED to love.

had mac breakfast with my family this morning, n my sis is asking abt me n him. i dunno what to say cause we seems close n yet if they had to realise, we r nth.words like "looking forward, moving on" they din came with reasons.tricia ridiculously called me when she is in sch,asking me if i would have lunch with her.haha, i cant.she always had been v supportive. she told me "ONE day, he will find the lost he incurred,when he realised he lost someone who love him SO much""ONE day u will realised,u jus lost someone who doesnt appreciate and by then, u would have someone"

when will that "ONE day be?" i iwsh it nv exsists. i hope he realised b4 he lost. i hope there wouldnt be a day i have someone eles. why would i be so sturborn when his actions alrdy clearly shown what m i.i just need to knock more sense into me for the days ahead.
bless me.

WhereMI?

2006-08-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

module selection!byebye to econs!i hate econs.i hope finance is a better choice.and ya, i love to sing with val, coz i think we sound kinda cool!LOL
yst was pretty fun. had dinner at his place.pillow fight.laught a lil. he drive me home n we ended the day.i cry a alil too,at tricia's place.travis gave me some cookies in the morning trying to cheer me up by telling me the cookies was left over.yay, u always has been v nice.jus my big big brother =)alright, i m glad i ended yst happily. my stand has always been changing n changing.my brain tells me to move on, my heart doesnt allow. and when they clash, i felt the struggle in me, so heavy, so tiring.
ppl have been telling me there r so much to do in life.but they nv noe, i dun wana move alone, i want us to move tgt.share our burden, earn lots of money, spend happy times n the cruise we always wanted to go right from our 1st year anni.the musical fountain u promised. the fireworks we agree.i wanan fufil,u din realise.all on ur mind was "things wun be the same anymore"that mindset was so strong that i m too tired to convince u things wun be the same anymore,u were right, coz we will get better than we use to be.after that we have lost n realise throu the 5 months of cooling off all the emotions,i still love u and do u still feel?.kw ask me to tell u straight at ur face.all tat i wana said. i tell him i couldnt,u wouldnt allow either.
thout i keep reminding mitt to be strong n perservere if u noe he is the one for you.y couldnt i?maybe i should have realise its nv easy to do things tat another half of u didnt agree with.how true.love isnt a game,from the start, it nv had been. game only comes in with hatred.loving a person too much will nv be proclaimed as hatred.i always wanted to hate u, n u realised, i nv can.
it all happen for a reason, if werent the break up, i guess i din noe i was so fuckedup. n i guess u din noe u didnt had a gd temper. the breakup jus makes us a better person.
=(

special someone.

2006-07-31T23:26:00.000+08:00

"dun wan us to the burden and trouble for one another".ya, by saying this i m no longer ur burden n trouble.by saying this"it jus adds to my misery""dunno" ya.by dg nth,it saves u trouble n commitment. by doing nth, my disappointment grows.and have u realised every single word u said, every single thing u did,u r being selfish.
n, i had nv balme u for tat, cause i stupidly stand at the same spot, wishing to u turn back, n so far, u nv did.so did the love really ended on 15thfeb? did u feel a lil when i tear,would u tear when my heart break, do u feel happy when i m with u. if yes, did u jus hide ur feelings to me in some part of ur heart whereby u dun wish to take it out anymore due to ur fear of loving me again n wondering things wouldnt work out like b4?
its not memories tat makes us feel this way, its not memories tat make me tear anymore.if its the 2 year memories tat make u feel special towards me, than u wouldnt have been so heartless to me 3 months ago when u have her, i had to agree memories does play a part for everything that is happening now.for making us feel easy with each other's companion. for letting us noe each other so much.BUT memories no longer makes me think i love u.its the present, its the clearer mind i had in me. what makes u refused, its ur ego, ur fear,ur freedom. u afriad i were like b4 when u didnt even wana try anymore.i dun wana be special. if i m special, can u cel ur bd with me, can we spend valentine tgt, can i stay overnight at ur place? can i hold u? can i ask u out in the middle of night coz i miss u? can i call u out of no where?can we watch fireworks tgt?can we love? if NO, i dun wana be special.no at all.
i cant force.and what i have said abt us jus now wasnt my wish but my way.i wish for ur happiness.who will wish for mine.i wun force myself to leave coz i noe anything tat is against my wish wouldnt work.i was force to leave 3 months ago, and it didnt work, coz i realise 3 months later,i hadnt move on, he still has the ability for me to feel everything!it will jus take time afterall,"follow e flow".the day i wouldnt wait anymore, will be the day my love for u locked;forever.i m hoping almost every min of my love "hoping u were thinking of me a lil, hope when the phone rang, when msg came was u,hope u will ask me hows my day.hope to hear tat verse u used to say in every goodnite msg.hope u were back.
cupid, if we werent meant to be, would u lessen for love for him.
if we meant to be, could u make him realised.

i wish to hate, but i couldnt.

2006-07-30T01:40:00.000+08:00

39.4.i guess its the rain. supposingly they wanted sent me to TTSH, but my sis says my face was red.so i went to the nearest 24hr clinic at yishun.had a jab, a strip on my fore head (which i look stupid) n pop 3 pills. i guess its subsiding already.the last time i had fever, he was with me,taking care of me. the last time i had a jab, he was on the line with me, hoping i m fine.this time, he blame me for having chocolates. =.=! just so mean.

i spend my day lingering ard sbw. develope the pic, searching for things, made pudding, and completed a beautiful album.somehow, i keep forcing myself to give up, but i noe, no way i m giving up. i still believe we were meant to be n supposed to last.arguments, heartbreaks,we experience EVERYTHING that would make this r\s shrink!i tout it was part of the test to determine how edurance n perservering this love could be.we lost it to the challange.as long i have this a lil hope, he is the only i wana be with. as long as i feel, he will be the ONLY one i love n as long as i hope,its his happiness.ok, i m dumb, but only i have the right to feel so,not people who noe nth abt my life, n comment on my life.like wad mitt say,they should get a life.i definately noe wad i m doing.i jus wana fight for my happiness.if i could get down at the lowest perk, i accept.it is already at the lowest perk,knowing he would ask me to leave anytime.i anticipated all these coming.

i dun wana let go something that i noe it might be my everything i could have wanted in my life.perhaps he dun see it now.

love.

2006-07-29T01:05:00.000+08:00

mitt,heng n xiong just left my place not long.how u could u love me when u noe nuts abt me?how could u noe so much information abt me when i told u nth.i really felt offended by ur actions.i bet u do read my blog,now n den.or perhaps even the one who commented on my life in my tag board.it doesnt matter much anyway, u r the least impact, perhaps none.
i hope he is happy tonight.cause after tonight, he will nv feel vexed anymore, its my promise to him,n to myself.i rather trust what i have heard than his words. i wish to remind him to treasure what he has now,her.rather to live's life replay n end up hurting another one who love him dearly.someone told me, if u have make up ur mind to leave,first thing u have to do is to stop bothering how he feels.he no longer have to be irritated by my questions.no longer have to hide anything,no longer owe me a smile, coz he is losing me gradually.perhaps when he realise i really do love him,i wish i still do.i once use hatred to move on.which i think it didnt help.coz when i see him at zouk once again, i jus melted.i m not going to force myself anymore.
i always tout we r supposed to be, meant to be. and i guess we just lost it.i din noe i would perservere so much jus to love someone. i din noe i would have lost almost everything jus to save a lil hope of being with u. i din noe, i would do all this,jus for him.its gonna end.soon.

.

2006-07-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

no,no doubts.
i love u.

dunno.

2006-07-26T22:40:00.000+08:00

there is nth i could do,but to expect for the better, to expect somehow, there wouldnt be 'dunno'.no matter how i hard i try, there is no way i could rch ur life.there is so much i could take all these while.having him in my life is a practice that i dun wana change.to understand him is a torture i would take.what eles could i do.i would understand y silent could be a torment.memories had faded abit since i have come to realise u've changed.and somehow i ask,is he the one i wana love,or isit the 'past' him.all i noe was,i m happy with him,so happy that i wish i can freeze time.so many obstacles,barriers from my heart to urs.i wouldnt say that all the problem lies with u.cause i begin not to understand myself. i m not sure if its the tireness that make me feel this way or .. i love u no more. and i doubt words from his friend telling me how much he misses when i was out of his life.did he?

cia says i m jus too tired. "i noe u love him, but could u put some love for urself,since he isnt loving u".but i've learnt alot.i really take things much easier now.i dun wana force myself to look willingly n pathetic but i learn to change the way i think n it helps.i use to live in doubts everyday, expecting something bad would happen,something hurtful will come.lessen now.i m so influential to other's words.somehow i thought they would make me give up.

long pause..

he noes well if i love him still.

time will eventually cause ...
-things to look more peaceful.
-people to change .
-ppl to look back..
-people to regret.
-beautiful memories.
-feelings to fade.
BUT time wun allow me to forget everything.

thoes hurtful words he given me on 13thapril.perhaps to him,its jus words.to me,it makes me forget that i love him for that few month.i TOUT i move on, happily.i no longer put them to heart,thou was harsh, thou that impact was big,its burid. it wasnt jus ur fault. its our's fault.but he didnt noe i m trying so hard to mend all the heartbreaks back,by myself.he didnt see all the effort i m putting in. he didnt noe i was still holding on. he didnt anything i felt. he choose to live in that life full of uncertainity.to him,he doesnt feel a thing coz i was the one who refused to go.he wants to lead tat life of his,with or without me, he feels alright.i wana lead a life of mine, but without him, i aint fine.i jus have to tell myself he dun mind me being in his life rather than he dun mind not having me in his life.

i could just tell myself, maybe someday he would realise he is happier with me in his life,and tats my bonus or he would tell me he isnt.

love.

back

2006-07-20T17:41:00.000+08:00

finally,i m back blogging in my blogspot.cause i cant sign in to mulitply anymore.=(
does it mean smth.does it mean that story of mine shld end.or does it mean we shld let go and start a new chapter.it has been a question i've ask myself ever since u r back into my life, once again.my friends say we r so 'dramatic',tragedic scences n moments of happiness.i rather not.all i wan was a simple r\s that u once yearn for.all i wan was another chance for our love to continue from where its ends, 15thfeb06 till den.i would nv expect u to be in my shoes to noe exactly how terrible i felt.other than myself, i guess only my 18thnov babies would understand. u would learnt my tears n heartbreaks thru my tears.they aint nth.they are my only way to tell u how sad i m.coz e only answer i would get is "dunno" or "silence". small things tat u r willing to do, for me,really brighten me a lil. u wun noe. "i m happier with u"would keep me alive for a few days.u wun noe.or perhaps u choose not to noe.some say not all things return when its gone. i dun wana believe.i noe i can be happy without u but i said b4, i would be even happier with u in it.i willingly accept any facts as long as it come straight from u.

if u say loving urself is the best choice than y she has the right to love u, to hold u and to noe if u r dg well.what m i?dun tell me someone special.how special can it be.have u realised i have nv whine over what i have done for u.i noe i could give u the best.that doesnt mean she cant.i want an answer. and i rmb someone said "no answer is an answer".how true it could be. what it is now is an answer.how could i be so dumb enuff to believe there would be a change.how would someone be so dumb to even believe love still exsists.

2006-06-28T22:41:00.000+08:00

got so many to updates,its a damn long today.chinatown->ps->bugis->town->bugis->bukitpanjang->home. i m finally back home.so tired.and it seems like i have so much to feel,to say.yst match,FRANCE vs SPAIN.what a waste. that wasnt spain's standard n France still sux.eventhough they won, but countless people including me doesnt think France had the capability to win.its a 'bribe'game.so what?they wouldnt get the championship anyway.lol.i like this top from newurbanmale so much.but small size is out of stock. =(

well..dunno y i like to have heart to heart talk while sitting at the back of lorry with peishan.lol.i guess i see me in u when u agree with what i have to say of feeling numb.'guys usually has the ability to give the wholeheart to a new girl soon after breakup.'perhaps it sounds so true.eventhough i no love him,or perhaps the feelings has gone missing, for whatever reason it is,i noe its so hard to let someone in.i tried,but failed.cause end up, something seems amiss.the feelings jus wasnt the way i feel i fall in love with him 2 years back. i dun rmb who told me this,but she said smth like "well, u will nv feel the same way again even if u love someone new."i asked y". she said" cause 2 year back, u wasnt wad u were."i think abt it realising it that reality isnt just abt the surface of every matter,but in dept,its more to it from what we see.

i expected more.e more i see.e more i feel. e more i want.not having anyone in heart wasnt bad.i m really enjoying life.haha.

pedicure on friday.working on sat.watching match on sat night.probably sentosa on sunday. a well planned weekend.

2006-06-26T22:45:00.000+08:00

cant believe my previous entry was "first day at lancome"lol. my friends are saying that i went "MIA".perhaps. i really make full use of my 2 weeks holiday.life nv seems so busy. now that school has reopen for a week plus. i almost skip the first week, except for accounts.alot of interesting things going on.alot of jokes to share.alot of things to whine. but i got no time. i m gg to watch ITALY vs austrailia. i need to finish my RJ. i need to compile my pp. i need to find bryan,FYP,u better call me soon.

ITALY!!

btw, i really love beckham.

and ofcoz,

england.

LANCOME.

2006-06-16T22:05:00.000+08:00

first day work at lancome. afternn seems to be rather sucky but time pass so fast after lunch.we lose totally to the girls working for gatsby! -totally- lol. they probably grab everyone's attention with freebies,balloons,most mportantly,the dressing.roughly,got my idea?haha..

this marketting manager that runs the event for the gatsby approach us,asking how much lancome pay us.$6. and she was like "oh! we pay 7/hr.and pass the namecard to us.haha...and mitt was like "erm, do we have to dress like them?"lol. this is a funny one.

argentina simply rox.just look at the way the pass the ball.IMPRESSIVE.

he is attached.simply feel happy for him.like i said b4,he is a nice guy still. =]
and lastly i m like recovering from my bad sore throat and wadever that makes me sick.

-fruitful day.
curse that stupid mp3 that always run out of batt!

sad soul

2006-06-15T23:12:00.000+08:00

i m toking to so many sad soul tonight.mm..3? well.one had confused feelings.one has broken heart.and one got mixed feelings.

trica,this is for u.i got no chance tok when i m on the line with u.u noe y.i noe u will read my blog,cause i will call u up later,after i blog.perhaps u think D would be one u could settle down for life.how much love does a guy worth?
someone who throws away the ring u both had?
someone who feels u arent good enuff for him?
someone who think u guys nv meant to be?
someone who nv rmb ur birthday!

and how much u should be treasured?
someone who buy him breakfast alternate days?
someone who tolerate his temper?
someone who nv ask anything from her bf?
someone who has become down to earth because of a word!
if u think he deserve this,if u think u should beg him for another chance,if u think he is the one.everybody will agree with me that he isnt.
it would be beautiful if u met someone who loves u like u do.appreciate u like u do..be glad that he left,so that he wouldnt hinder ur way to ur right one. =]

mt throat still hurt.it will better when i wake up tmr.haha.

=) love.

2006-06-15T13:48:00.000+08:00

alittle bit better,at least i m not so feverish but still my throat hurts.hopefully i feel perfectly fine when i wake up to work tmr.i had same shift with mitt.not sure about xiaowei,she not yet replie me.hopefully we three belong to the same shift.all the nov18th babies.wad a coincidence!lol.

my sis went to bugis yst and she say she tout she saw me.cause she saw charlene.the gal everybody mistaken her for me.goes to the same for my brother in law.maybe she could be my long lost sister.haha. i stayed home yst. watch the 9pm match with my big family.my uncles and aunties,cousins and everyone eles.spain vs ukraine.i told them spain would win,at least 3 goal.BUT no one believe me.haha.

i got no idea who send me this song, 'i knew i love u' from salvage garden.but its nice. i randomly played the playlist and was attracted by that sentence 'i knew i love u b4 i met u'.finally he had the courage to tell me.but i m sure if u would met someone that touches ur heart,u will move on.and it applies the same for everyone.friends who couldnt move on because the past has been a barrier.infact i m trying to move on too..from my past 2 yr r\s.i noe i m progressing well.sometime i still miss thoes moments we had.the chalets we went.the sentosa trips with mitt and xiong.the birthdays and anniversary we celebrated.perhaps its the moment we share make us once again gd friends.and if u happen to read this. 'i m eating more already,but u gonna eat less n..smoke less.'he is still a very nice guy afterall. =)

-pls let me recover soon.

SICK

2006-06-14T18:45:00.000+08:00

i wish i can recover b4 friday cause i m gonna start work at lancome glass house. *pray.supposed to go town my sis, accompanied peishan to bugis to get her mp3 or maybe get to the nearest shopping mall for my black pointy. i do none.was in my bed the whole afternn.finally finished 'fatal seduction',get my organizer organised,haha.

nothing much abt how i actually felt -just sick and perhaps disappointed,but not to mention.since i already pointed a direction and be it, i guess.

ima sick

2006-06-14T00:35:00.000+08:00

yes,im sick.so sick.my flu starts it all. fever.sore throat.cought. doctor says "isnt is a commit sucide to work under the hot sun since u noe u already sick?" and this sentence causes my mum's long nagging.i have cancelled my work tmr,cause i dun think i can really make it to work.

done my pedicure at bugis and medicure at home.lol.infact i love my finger nails than my toe nails.or u can say my skill improved.lol.my sis promised to buy my early birthday present..cause i like that bag so much,tokidoki lesportsa.and she ordered for me already.i wish they can telepot over,and save the frieght cost.

-GRIN.big hugs.i love being the youngest at home.

I HATE TO BE SICK.and i hate to feel this way.

2006-06-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

i worked at bugis again.really tired. i really feel so sick.so cold.just took panadol n hope i will feel better tmr since i m working again,but 12pm-4pm only. i caught a cold yst,definately.it rain at the wrong time!peishan is helping to find replacement on wednesday cause i badly need a break for myself since i will be at lancome fair from fri onwards.i m glad to noe i dun have to find black clothings for work cause lynn says they will buy us the uniform from MANGO.so cool..lol.

i m sorry that my answer was no.i m sorry if i hurt u in some ways or u might just think tht u lost the challange having me. i m not sure.but still,sorry.well,someone out there love u.
and

i hope ^he enjoy his day out of spore.

sunday

2006-06-11T19:56:00.000+08:00

finally i have a day free to do everything i wish to do.like returning my library books,pay my bills,collect the parcel at post office,buy my collegues delifrance's tarts and etc..

went over to my grandma house which was a 15 mins away from my house, fetch her over house cause she is staying over as my uncle went malaysia.was walking and i realised it has been a long time since i take this path.realised i have been abit too harsh to myself these days.should spare myself sometime and space for other things.i always wanted my car liciense and my chocolate banana cake from secret recipie! i was in a rush whereby i m actually there buying marble cheesecake and i forget i wanted to get myself banana choc cake. =.=! how stupid.

im so sad seeing my friends being upset over relationship.i couldnt help much but just to advice them what i think that was right,and to do something not over an extend that u might end up hurting urself so much..like what i use to be. it really taught me something,for whatever things i do, i make sure i reserve abit for myself,so that i wun fall all the right in.

i nv expected anything in return.=]

lancome.

2006-06-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

today i accompanied val to lancome's interview.and will be start working at the roadshow outside taka from next thursday onwards [5 days].after interviewd,eric sms me if i m working at town, i called back and say "no, but i m at town". and decided to go home tgt after his interview at heeren's HMV.he met us at cinileisure, cause we r waiting for val's bf . after that me and eric headed to somerset mrt station.on the way there,something just happened, not to mention, i went back to look for val.i din went home with him.

he took the train to marina bay himself and coincidently i met him again at somerset mrt,so we took the train tgt.he alighted at yishun and i alighted one stop after him.not much conversation gg on anyway.was joking and poking jokes,thats all.he was once my memory thou,for 2 year plus.i no longer feel sad like the way i m 5 months ago.i no longer feel the pain and the tunnel i m gg thru 5 months ago.i no longer skip meals.i no longer cry on my own.i no longer stare blankly at the bottles of hearts.i no longer repeatedly hear that song.i no longer feel the same.no more.no longer n nv will be.i nv will wana be in such state again.i promised.

updates.[moo*2]

2006-06-08T14:20:00.000+08:00

i wanted to blog last night, but blogger was lagged, i type my entry on a notepad and right now, it couldnt be found. tricia says that entry was not allow. =.=!.yst was a long day.10 am- 11 pm.i stood whole day, my leg was so tired that i seems to complain so much about it.sales only come in after 10pm,all the way to 11pm.went supper with peishan,grace and other collegues.

yst was funny, not as busy as the previous day and moreover there was peishan.lol. i really love them.yst was funny. charlene,grace; they are really hell loads of craps that make me laugh. i rmb char told me about small sizes people like us getting pregnant, baby is bigger than us.she phrase it in a way that i couldnt stop laughing. toriQ's peeps knew that me and char keep eyeing on their "chicken skin"haha..and one more thing, so many customers and collegues say me and char look so alike and they often mistaken us for one another. we both stand of the mirror and still dun agree we look alike.haha. to me,she is definately much preetier.

we sit on a lorry back.me and peishan. there seems to have a mood for me to recap our stories.this is the second she told me about her past, and its the first time i told her mine. when i reached home,memories seems to came back,the good and the bad ones. i have heard so many stories about people's love life, and if u would hear mine, perhaps urs isnt that bad.i tout i got it all over.in fact the barrier nv left.but i just got to believe time heal. and how long does it take?..its when u r able to love someone wholeheartedly.

i had nightmare. not nightmare. but i dreamt of what happened and use to happen.i was right.i have done the right decision for everything.

this song is nice.shu dao wu,da yin wo.VERY nice.

moomoo

2006-06-07T00:07:00.000+08:00

i have been working these days. i did blog yst but the whole entry gone!i took half an hr.well, yst was fun. 10 hrs working with grace and charlyn..and i manage to tok to piggy a few times thou. nth different from yst, sales was better, crap a lil bit more, and went home abit later. (but thanks grace so much for the trip back) and ya, i still feeling the same for yst thou i have said that "i shall think abt it" and now, still thinking.perhaps johnson was right. he can really chant the whole nite. zw seems to be my advisor for now and den,thanks alot. it does make feel better with ur words but definately not the fact that its seems nearer n clearer each day.

i wish i would be busy every moment, not even have the time for any touts in mind.

i wish i was wrong abt how i feel.

stupidlity.

2006-06-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

a long day.m i the silly one?lol. i really dunno. i dunno where to start and what to end. in short i dun wish to mention what i have done.lol.

some good news on the other side! its j.haha.."cause bugis got alot of printing shops" i m sorry, but i couldnt stop laughing!! btw, its sweet.mm...

nights peeps.

-nth

2006-06-03T20:55:00.000+08:00

i shall start from yst. went to celebrate ruru's birthday. it was meant to be a surprise. i guess our acting sux?...lol. she kinda know whats gg on,but she played along with us.the cake was great.just nice for 8 person (abit too big portion thou).melly,ruru,piggy,huan,gracie,sheryl,me n johnson,e photographer for the day.(great job!)lol.everything was fine. wendy called me telling me this freaking story that happened at the playground near my house. was kinda freak out.eric happened to be in sbw,so he walked me home.its has been a long time since he walked home.was it 5 months ago?b4 we broke off.. i couldnt rmb,memories are too blurred.

we din broke off in a nice way. we werent calm. not simple. not practical. we can nv be couples but give it thout, i realise we can be friends,gd ones. perhaps u noe me too well. 2 years. wasnt short,for me.thou we lead a different life now, i wish u well.

and i fall for someone..which i couldnt believe it was him. i tout it was just because we spent too much time tgt. i didnt wana think. they asked me, i denied.i still wish it wasnt him.i went for a run and played badminton with tricia and jeanie.its the first time jeanie join us thou. they really dun look the same even thou they are twins.haha.

lovely u.

2006-06-02T12:09:00.000+08:00

accounts sux.ut sux.fyp sux.seline sux.EVERYTHING sux for these days.e only thing that cheer me up was lynn, from lancome called to inform i was seleted for the glasshouse's roadshow oustside taka.thanks angelina for recommending me. i wanted to tok to someone so much last nite.thoughts ran into me, nv stopped.i couldnt keep my cool like b4,i guess.i wana be small.i wish someone would console me for what had happened,who tell me everything will remain like b4.friendship btwn us dun seems da same. perhaps we dun feel e same anymore.i tried to be usual,but smth seems to stop me.

a 2 weeks break comes just the right time. thank god.

IdunnoWhatToSay.

2006-06-01T22:26:00.000+08:00

i really dunno what to say.its a long day. many things happened, which i no longer wana bring up.i take no sides, but i wish it should be resolve by today.sometimes i really detest myself for being too softhearted.i wish i could hide them.

-peace pls.

ILoveEm.

2006-05-30T23:26:00.000+08:00

no doubts, i wouldnt call em my classmates,they are more than that,love u people so much.
it was really funny when we hug and bid one another goodbye!!lol.we were so crazy taking pics,and our outing never seems to end.clubbing den sentosa..and singing nv seems bored.!haha.i can only say everybody sing so well!

IB'liveForTheBetter.

2006-05-30T12:08:00.000+08:00

fyp is driving me crazy.it seems to take up so many for my time. and seline..

to seline,
the little trouble that u gave me was spending a few second deleting ur msg,sorry, i din even read em.if u wana make me hate my friend,thats not possible.if u wan me to believe wad u said, its not possible either.cause i face the truth. u din even wana show up.no one knows seline,everyone is as sure as me that u werent name seline.i m sad to say i might have been over react last nite for ur mean and hurtful words, but no more.u arent somebody to me.you wun change the fact or change something u dun like, cause its my life, u dun have the right to meddle nor interfere.if what u r doing satisfy u,go on.it makes no impact on me, and my friends who u get them involved.
from me.

it was just another ordinary day.fyp after school again.i felt like sleeping.i felt like going having my chocolate alfaggato from TCC,did i spell it correctly? and my banana chocolate cake from secret recipe.*droool..

"one for everyone in this world".yes,one for everyone.each mistakes move u closer to the right one.

to my future husband,
eventhough u might not know my name,maybe you would have just noe my existance.
eventhough we might not met, eventhough we might already friends.
eventhough u might walk pass me a few times in a year , eventhough u r stranger
one day,u will be mine.

eventhough u cant wipe my tears now, eventhough u've just suffered from a heartbreak.
eventhough i cant share my happiness with you,eventhough u cant hold me close to you
one day u will.

eventhough u might be leading a life without me.
one day i will be ur life.
one day we will be wearing the same ring.
i will tell u when we meet,one day.

i m always looking forward to u in my life.
loving you,
flona.

*copyright.lols.

AfterSoLong.

2006-05-29T22:05:00.000+08:00

i drop my first tear for a bitch who makes me feel so much at this particular moment.i cried.the reasons wasnt eve nor seline.its me,myself.if u said i wasnt the reason that u were after, why r ur words so mean,i cannot think of anyone i've offended. why not show up?why not hate me,infront of me. why do u have to vandalise my blog and flood my hp. i m a wimp.i seems abit helpless to protect myself right now.perhaps it was the thout of the past that ran thru me.u noe, i detest u to the core.but i could have forgive for if the reasons were there.

how could i promise u things tat was against my wish..?i wouldnt.im too tired to guess or to think.

I n u™. says:
flona dun cry....
I n u™. says:
i noe very xin ku
I n u™. says:
dun let her make u cry.. u cry she win

i brought you my bullets you brought me your love. says:
i told you before
i brought you my bullets you brought me your love. says:
that i wouldnt let anyone make you cry
i brought you my bullets you brought me your love. says:
or bully you

Mitttx` IsThisGonnaLastForever? says:
hey~~ hope ur ok alrites?
Mitttx` NeverLetUWalkAwayFrmMi says:
thats good dont cry wor
Mitttx` NeverLetUWalkAwayFrmMi says:
don let others affect u
Mitttx` NeverLetUWalkAwayFrmMi says:
live ur life alrites
Mitttx` NeverLetUWalkAwayFrmMi says:
u live ur life i mean
Mitttx` NeverLetUWalkAwayFrmMi says:
(:
Mitttx` NeverLetUWalkAwayFrmMi says:
nobody can interfere

+☆[PigGy PiG ]+☆ says:
dun feel so down cox of her..i noe cant help feeeling
+☆[PigGy PiG ]+☆ says:
but try to ignore ok

thanks everyone,its just a bad day.

SoConfused.

2006-05-29T11:53:00.000+08:00

he is someone who keeps everything to himself.someone who rather choose not to know anything.someone who remain silence.someone who is dreamy.someone who have been hurt.someone who present himself to be smiling all the time.someone who is so hard to understand.or perhaps he dun understand himself.

my friend says i aint hard to understand cause i show all i feel. perhaps.zw say maybe 20% that i kept, known to myself, reserved. i guess 20% is too less.but definately i noe myself,maybe not all, but enuff to know where im heading. i m so looking forward to leave Rp, get to the society to work.at least i should be glad. everything ard me seems too perfect. my precious mommy n sisters.my friends.what i can expect more!its definately more than enough,after i noe wads the true meaning behind the series of heartbreak i have suffered.

had a little catch up with elaine.came up with some theories abt love,misleading and confusion. women are always women. we tend to think too much,out of the box.we can link 2 totally different thing tgt.something gd or bad...?it would be definately beautiful to fall for someone who likes u too. or rather like someone who fall for u.

this isnt flona.i nv felt this way.or in short, i nv had felt for someonew who doesnt felt the same.*lol.and tricia says "finally u had urself in other's shoe,u noe tat feeling ya!" yea, she is being sacarstic.haha.

nothing had happened right..?yah,nothing.lol.

k.

2006-05-28T22:25:00.000+08:00

yep,we went kbox again.this time round with peishan,johnson.jeff came late;expected, he was nv early.lol.plan was to go dinner after kbox without jeff cause he has family dinner n my mum called me telling me to be home for dinner.peishan's mum bought her dinner n we end up gg home.just repaired MY necklace,cause someone spoilt it. lol.nicely done.

i wish it wouldnt be the same.

WeirdDay.

2006-05-28T00:56:00.000+08:00

haha.today is weird. meet val at fareast.we both bought this beautiful belt.nice, its nice.lol. and we pointed to the same design..lucky we dun fall for the same guy.heaven will.
had a great day thou.we went to the toilet so many times, we need the mirror, to take pictures reflection of us.haha,its funny, i noe. its a new fettish for us.it has been a long time since we catch up and gossips abt things ard us. sharing valuable advices,ur words really gave me some hope.haha.

she is so ridiculous. she ask me what i will do if the guy i like fall for my best friend and vice versa.i will be sad, torn ofcause but i will give her my blessing, believing that he is not the one.but u think too much,i noe what u r refering too.but it wouldnt happened.lol.

i was on the train back home. wanting to make a phone call so much and my hp went flat.wanted to listen to leehom's yi shou jian dan de ge, my mp3 went low batt."....."and i din bring a book out cause my handbag was too small.what is happening, and the whole journey seems so long for me.i cant seems to live without my stuff. what will life be without songs,without any media to reach ur friends.hell loads.ima so happy for johnson,he noes y.lol.

myLifeStyle.

2006-05-27T12:06:00.000+08:00

guess what, i woke up 7 in the morning. breakfast den went tennis with tri,tav and friends.i must admit tht the couple we saw was funny.and how travis commented on tricia make me laugh hell loads.started with she got no friendster n blog.lol.i m so tired. a nap is so important right now. 2 more days, i will finished fatal seduction,in that case i can continues with my "little secret".she is bugging me to sunplaza because of this nude bra advertistment.lol. *irritating.

my little dream. isnt this beautiful?

crazy daze

2006-05-26T20:39:00.000+08:00

val didnt come sch.and i took bus, i m so lazy to walk. accounts really sux,i din touch a single thing today except for the FMT. i feel so sorry toward my team members,nad and jingwei.definately not including jeff, he is the cause of me being crazy today.
running ard the whole sch,panting, thirsty, pause and run again. i m so happy when u told me u climb down the stairs, from7th floor all the way down.LOL. serve u right.and guess what, vic gave me that look when i came out from the boys toilet.haha.it was raining so heavily when i reach sbw mrt station.the rain was so heavy.i m totally drenched,except for his necklace which i put inside my shirt and my sis's birthday cake which i hug closely to me. the urge for wanting to reach home hopefully wun make me fall sick.

sis is turning 29,they say she look like 23.lol.ima so blardy pissed of by this guy named ken who message me in friendster. "hi, can i pay $1000 for sex,im not bad looking.serious and sincere."F**Koff.open ur eyes wide and get ur mind clear. anw, this user is blocked,by me.i really detest men who doesnt value women's dignity and rights.

so many secrets between the class.hiding n guessing. i dun hate, but i dun like the feeling i m having now.i wish it was a mistake that i will realised after some time.i really wish it will vanished,soon.

ItNeverSeemsToBe.

2006-05-25T11:58:00.000+08:00

i took bus in the morning to woodland interchange. my liking for bus grew.i sat at the window seat, listening to mp3,reading fatal seduction and when the mps3 hit my fav song, i pause, enjoy the music and i look out the window.looking at the strangers that walk pass, and the busy crowds rushing to work..every second, life is moving. .finally i understand what issac trying to convince her gf.let me explain, "u are sad,u cry, u dun wana do anything, u wana stop wadever u r doing,lock urself up. by doing this, u thought the world would pause with u."it isnt, whatever reasons that hit u down to the lowest peak of life continues.the guy/girl who broke ur heart wouldnt pause for u. he/she is leading her life.the boss who sack you wouldnt cry for u. he continues with his work. that stranger who carelessly knock u down.he/she walk away without realising u might be in pain. finally the touts ended,i reach interchange.

i saw N.he was waiting for farhan.we din even look at one another, i guess. val n me decided to take bus. late, we were late. i turn on my laptop, same usual stuff.. and i feel weird again.i dunno. that feeling just strike me once again. i wish doremon was my pet instead.lol. it could have solve all my problems,wonders and thouts.telepot me to sentosa,predict my future, study my ut and do my fyp, probably work for me?..lol.sometimes i had this dream on virtual world.a world that u dream for..it goes like this..

a beautiful sidewalk from the beach that leads to my home. sidewalk planted with roses of many colours! white butterflies to purify the complicated colours of roses.my dog..2 will do.[definately will be adopted from SPCA].imagine myself in a floral tea dress,with a video cam and my boy beside me telling me i m everything he wants. =)

definately he will be everything that i wan.

dream on.lol.

noise above!

2006-05-24T14:45:00.000+08:00

this renovation above me has been going on for a month!-irritated-
i cant play tennis, its not easy as it seems to be.the timming has to be right, the strength should be just nice, be prepared to be hit by the ball.and my arms are tired, after 2 hrs of game.supposed to meet my ex collegue who used to work at IORA for dinner,but i m really tired.life seems so fufilling for me nowadays.

i could hardly recall thoes days when i wanted to bang my head so much, scream n shout as i cried.come to think of it, i m once silly.couldnt believe that 2 yr r\s has ended.couldnt believe the effort i put in all these while gone down the drain. couldnt believe for all i endure and perservere comes to an end.i was so reluctant to accept.i even told myself, i will nv love again, nv ever to let myself suffer and to hate all the jerks that have that intention to come in my life,make a little impact and left. these hatred left me as day passes. i come alive again to believe there will always be someone for everyone.thanks to all the girls that shared with me that lil wonderful love stories,it kinda me realised, there will be something to hope for,every moment.i m awake from nightmares.reality is much beautiful.

tricia,its time u make an end to urs as well.just like what travis says, "accept the reality, u will find urself closer to the right one."i cant believe u said something finally make sense, smth pleasing to the ears.lol.

iWishYouKnewIwasntLikeThat.

ice creamss

2006-05-23T21:34:00.000+08:00

went to galore for ice creams today with my classmates, no powerpoint needed, therefore it causes us to slack more.i dun seems to crave for ice cream as much i use to do in the past. yep, i guess people change.i bought the book, fatal seduction. mitt was so right, its kinda addictive. no wonder its the 8th reprint by popular demand.after i bought it, guess what happened.jeff says he has it. =.=!! lols.have been reading so much recently, like an hr or two b4 i sleep.what an achivement.haha.

yusoff! he is spouting nonsense. he was clear that it was him and unsure who e gal is. but sad to say, ur conclusion was wrong. i m clear what happened, i din even take a sip.

darren was right afterall. i give people that impression."that" and i m so glad he would understand it isnt my fault.what a sweet friend he can be at times, eventhough he bully me so often!haha..not forgetting johnson!always there to hear me whine n cheer me up, with the chirp!quihui is cute, she really got a big heart to forgive remarks by the guys."i will pinch them for u"lol.i just uploaded 2 pics. cause i noe johnson will make a nice combination and i shall "steal" and save my trouble.lol.thanks,john!

The boys.

chocolate waffle!

blogging.

2006-05-22T23:00:00.000+08:00

i m like blogging non stop. my main purpose was not to let the whole world know what i m doing or thinking. but i wish that i could be able to rmb i once thought this way.
why did u have that impression on me?i could be better, and simpler. everybody do something for some reasons, but u didnt have the to chance to know.are u assuming or m i wandering too far..from negative to positive, positive to negative and unknown.i guess no one knows what i m trying to imply here.dun even ask me y.it comes just like that..before i could even come with an answer, i wish it could go like that.

confused.. and i went to play the tarrot cards website.
The cards suggest flona, that what you most want at this time is a new start, to close this chapter in your life and have a brand new beginning. This is not a time for regret but for rejoicing. Rewards for past efforts will follow and you are sure to have many opportunities presented to you. Life will pick up a pace and the choices you make will have far reaching implications that could change your life dramatically.You are worried that you will sell yourself short and agree to something that you don’t feel morally comfortable with.This is a period of tension and frustrations, you feel pessimistic and fearful that your hopes will be dashed. Any bad luck you may be having is primarily down to your self-doubt and negativity.

sigh.

girls vs boys

2006-05-22T22:47:00.000+08:00

i "steal"this from johnson's blog.haha.
if i m not wrong, the score is 1-1. and the guys back out their punishment!!
lol.

2006-05-22T19:07:00.000+08:00

mirror reflection.lols
me n valerie.

diguise.

2006-05-22T13:29:00.000+08:00

i said i m living my life well and i not specially close to anyone. what is wrong with that sentence?and what is wrong with yours?

"Fuck la, doesnt matter anymore. You will be longer forgotten by me. You are on your own now, like what you said, i will take away all the care and concern." didnt u said that u will be my friend, take away the love,u will still be. i have seen too much. no one can be that great, neither m i.

"You know, i only ask for an honest answer. But too bad lo, wait and wait still nothing happen."
what honest answer do u want when whatever i say u doubt? didnt i told u clearly what i want? being single and ure my friend. u din accept what i said,didnt u?its not the matter if an answer is given.

"Flona wont even be in my memory, cos you dont even deserve to earn a spot." if you think so, thanks.

-peace-

dawn will break.

2006-05-21T22:00:00.000+08:00

was reading through my pass entries,in multiply as well as the 2 previous entry in my current blog..4 months seems short and yet these entries prove me wrong. things are always happening..and happening in my life.from the first thought of creating a new blog, i m allowing myself to move away from him and eventually i did, much faster than i thought.people are like asking me,"y so fast?"i couldnt replie,cause i dun even noe y. is there a need for an answer? i guess not.i just need to know i living life fine,perhaps great.

love aint a game, if it is, count me out. i m game enuff for u to play with, but i m not keen, at all.

IfeelSmall.

sunday.

2006-05-21T10:31:00.000+08:00

after an hr of flipping on the bed, i called tricia for a drink (coffee).lol.chatted on msn till 2plus. everyone that have been toking to me like tricia,johnson and stacy seems to observe the same change in me. they told me im a little girl. i feel kinda bad not replying JY's smses,not because i detest u as a friend, but i dun feel like gg out ..and u shouldnt even ask me out. norris called me to liquid. and was sms-ing with farhan at the time. he was telling me gd things abt his friend,N.yup.haha.

i called zw, he says he is alone drinking.sigh,i really dunno wad can i do to make u feel better.i wish i could, but its beyond what i should do.i definately do treasure u as a friend,a gd one. someone i can trust.

i just came back from library. sophie kinsella can write!i have to urge to read all her books.lol.
and
i love mommy.

what did u do?

2006-05-20T14:42:00.000+08:00

i dunno where to start,to begin as a new fresh entry in the blog.i deleted my multiply,wanting to start afresh in my life.love is so fragile. if u ask me if i still love him, i just have to be frank,no.somehow i cant even believe that. i cant convince myself cause i tout i always love him so much. my classmate are all nice people.they are great singers! zouk was fun too, but it will be even nicer if there are less pervert ard.lol.have to thank jeff and friends for the few times help too.

infact i really find myself stupid drinking n smoking over him.haha.so people, sometime u cant deny "time really heals" or diverting ur attention..